Story of Rejection

Introduction

Tonight has been filled with odd conversations. I'd like to share some of them with you.

Conversation 1

Mom: “I don't like this new toilet paper. It leaves bum crumbs at the back of the toilet.”

Me: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Mom: “Like, little peices of brown toilet paper.”

*I'm laughing, while typing this as my Facebook status*

Mom: “STOP! I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING WITHOUT IT GOING ON FACEBOOK...STOP...at least make sure you say the bum crumbs are on the toilet and not in our bums!”

*Dad comes home from work*

Mom: “Chris, I got rid of the bum crumbs from the toilet.”

Dad: “The what!?”

Mom: “BUM CRUMBS! THE BUM CRUMBS! HOW DO YOU NOT GET IT!? Didn't you ever see that toilet paper commercial with the bears!”

Conversation 2

Me: “My new haircut makes me look like a 10 year old Asian boy.”

Mom: “It does not. You're eyes aren't smaller.”

Dad: “It makes you look like Cher.”

Conversation 3

Dad: “Sarah from Jeopardy is hot eh?”

Me: “Dad, I'm not a lesbian I swear.”

Mom yells from kitchen: “WHAT'S TOO HOT? MY RICE? LET IT COOL OFF BEFORE YOU EAT IT!”

Conversation 4

Mom: “GET BACK HERE, WE'RE HAVING NICE FAMILY TIME DAMN IT!”

Conversation 5

Brett: “Chels, has Mom ever had the sex talk with you?”

Mom: "Yes, she taught me everything I know.”

Sometimes I really enjoy my family. Haha.

Story of Rejection

Today I feel like telling one of the many, many, many, many, many, many, many FML moments that has occurred in my life.

It was a couple years ago and I was head-over-heels for a boy, I'll call him Arnold (clearly I don't actually know an Arnold because nobody names their child Arnold anymore but I feel I should respect “Arnold's” privacy). We've been occasionally engaging in secret rendezvous for sometime now. I'm pretty sure I was in love and I'm pretty sure I was probably his third or ninth booty call choice. Anyway, we (me, Arnold, and a bunch of our friends) were out for an event, I can't remember exactly what the event was but I think it might of been the annual wine gala we always attend. The wine is free at this gala and the food is incredibly fancy which means it's small portions of acquired tastes. Therefore, it's a lethal combination of free wine and hardly any food. After the wine gala, everyone decided they wanted to hit the bars. Arnold didn't want to and I wanted Arnold, which means I didn't want to either. So, I accompanied Arnold back to his house. When we got there, we were laying on separate couches. Here is what was going through my head at this point:

“Why isn't he making a move? We are alone and drunk.”

“Is he even awake?”

“He probably had another booty call arranged and I'm cramping his style.”

“Good Lord, he is so adorable. I should make a move. No I can't, he clearly is not into me. But we are hardly ever alone, maybe I should just make a move.”

I decided to make a move. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or the overwhelming desire I had to kiss him. I rolled off the couch I was on and crawled over to him. Thank God his eyes were closed at this point because I'm sure me crawling is not a sexy sight. I probably should of taken his closed eyes and mild snoring as a sign not to kiss him. I didn't care, I figured he'd appreciate the forwardness and it would lead to an intense passionate make-out. I leaned over top of him and kissed him on his lips. He then jumped, hitting me away with his hand and said in a monotone, non-joking voice “Oh, I thought you were my cat.” Then went back to sleep.

I thought...you were...my CAT? Really? Not a “Oh hello there” or a kiss back? I thought you were my cat. Awesome. I bet the cat would of gotten more of a positive response. I used to be a very shy person when it came to admitting my feelings for someone or making a move and this was taking a huge risk for me and it resulted in this. Anyways, I didn't know what to say so I said...”Uh, sorry I just...felt...like...making out. Good night.” then I went back to my couch and curled up in the corner, wanting to die.

The next morning I woke up and realized I needed a ride home. My friend and saviour Erica came over to get me but decided to visit for a bit. When we were alone, I told her about the epic fail that was last night. She laughed of course, and I don't blame her. We were all sitting in the living room when Arnold's cat came out of the closet. Erica and I died laughing. Nobody else got the joke.

Lessons Learned: I'm actually very proud of myself for going after what I want, even if I was rejected. It didn't hinder me from making moves in the future because I figure it'll either result in getting what I want or a funny story I can share with my friends. Also, I need to work on my seducing skills. Also, never date a guy with a cat.

By-eee

Thank you again for reading! Please subscribe to my blog! As always, enjoy the picture of the day below.

Me sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon. I love risking my life for a great picture. Pretty sure you were not supposed to be in this area of the Canyon. No goal is too big or too small :)

Running

Introduction

Hello! I appologize for my long absence! Here is my reasoning: I'm lazy. Actually, aside from being lazy I was waiting until I had completed the blogging classes that I had signed up for so I can better serve you as a blog enthusiast. Well, I waited anxiously until the day arrived, the day of my first blog class! I was super stoked, thinking about how I would bring my notebook with the cool design on the front, and an array of writing utensils so I could diligently take notes. I also secretly hoped there would be a cute male, preferably my age and preferably single in my class who would fall for me after realizing I am not only somewhat good looking but somewhat intelligent as well (and funny) and we would talk about blogging and our views on the world and how we want to share them. I get a call, a couple hours before I am due to be in class, telling me that not enough people signed up for the class so it is CANCELLED. Now, I am used to this type of luck so I had no reaction to this. It just would be been nice to know more about blogging seeing as I don't know much except that I like doing it. So, I know my blog isn't the most esthetically appealing one in the world, but I think the words in it are entertaining so I'm just going to keep at it! So, enjoy.

Running

Today's topic is about running. I've been doing a lot of it lately. I do literally NO other form of exercising or physical activity except running which is why perhaps I have extraordinary legs and look like the Michelin man everywhere else. Anyway, every time I go for a run something interesting seems to happen. Here are some of my run-ins on my run (note my clever word usage there):

Giant Spider: It was a cool, fall day and I was enjoying a solid jog around the neighbourhood. I was innocently running down my street when I stopped dead in my tracks and involuntarily yelped “HO-LY F**K!” Hanging from a tree, crawling up its web was the BIGGEST, JUICIEST, HAIRIEST (oh my word, I am gagging and shivering just writing about it) SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN. I kid you not when I say his butt was the size of a ping pong ball and his legs were the size of french fries from Wendy's. If spiders had names this one's name would be something along the lines of Rex, Butch, or Hulk Hogan. I instantly ran to the other side of the street, where my house happen to be. I felt like it was on me. I was devastated. Knowing it was only metres away from my house terrified me to my core. I am actually staring out the window right now to the spot where the fateful meeting occurred.

Goose Chase: I was running by the river today. I just wanted a nice, relaxing jog to the bridge and back where I could collect my thoughts. This was not the case. Up ahead of me I saw a goose lounging in the shade. For those of you who know me, you know I love geese! I was excited to run by him, I knew it would make my heart smile. As I ran closer, I noticed he was accompanied by a few friends, and by a few I mean hundreds of other geese. I was so excited about this until I ran past a few hanging out in a circle and they proceeded to run after me. They were dangerously close to my ankles, and I was quite worried one would try to peck my socks off. I felt like I was the star of the movie Fly Away Home. They eventually stopped chasing after me and I was on my merry way again.

Bear Encounter: About a year ago I was living in Whistler, BC and I was enjoying my daily jog along the trail. I had my headphones in, probably listening to a favourite song of mine that wasn't even cool in the 90's. As I ran past people on the trail they were looking at me, talking and pointing. I assumed they were probably marvelling at the size of my armpit sweat stains or something but once I turned the corner, I realized they were trying to warn me. I came literally face to face with a baby black bear. If I had extended my arm I'd be touching his nose. Luckily he was more afraid of me than I was of him, probably because at the time I resembled a sweaty warthog.

Wedgie Woman: Today I was running to the library. There was a elderly woman up ahead at the bus stop. She was just going to TOWN on her wedgie, I swear her whole arm was up there. She was wiggling and squirming left and right. She eventually retrieved her wedgie from her butt crack and I applauded her (not out loud, but in my head).

I love my running adventures, but on a serious note, running has changed my life in quite a positive way lately. I started running soon after my last boyfriend and I broke up. I began running because I wanted to focus on MYSELF, I wanted to get in shape, clear my mind, and have something positive to focus on and running was the solution to this. When I run, I am mostly motivated by anger, I'm not exactly sure why but when I think about people who have hurt me or situations that have really sucked for me, I run faster and harder. I've lost inches and pounds since I've became serious about running and I've even entered my first 5km run for charity (my second one is in a few days). At first, it was hard and I couldn't run for a long period of time but now I run at least 5km a day and I actually ENJOY it, I don't just do it because I feel I have to.

Chelsea's 10 Tips for Running

1. Put on a good song and pretend you are running in a music video, whether it be running towards someone you've missed or running away from someone or something you hate. It really works! Lol.
2. Run at a comfortable pace and when you are passing an attractive male or female you want to impress, pick up the pace and adjust your form (get the arms moving, push out the chest and bring your feet to your butt). It not only keeps your heart rate up but maybe you'll get a phone number or two.
3. Pretend your ex boyfriend/girlfriend is behind you. Show off so they can see what they are missing.
4. If you hit a red light, stretch your legs and arms. I don't stretch properly so it doesn't do anything for my physically but I feel like when I stretch, people in their cars waiting at the light may think I know what I'm doing.
5. Mouth the words and do an arm dance to whatever is playing on your mp3. I get a lot of weird looks but it makes my run more enjoyable.
6. Bring a folded paper towel to dab your boogers.
7. This is probably a given, but if you need to bring items with you on your run (ex: phone, debit card) then do NOT wear a pouch (I got made fun of for doing this). Instead put it in your bra or get one of those strap pouches that goes around your arm.
8. Pick a goal point that you want to be able to run to without stopping to walk. It'll take you a few tries before you can do it! Don't time yourself, just be able to finish! Once you can, than time yourself and try to improve your time each run.
9. Wait at least an hour after you eat before you run. The cramps are worse than a woman on “girl time” with indigestion.
10. Drink lots of water before and after your run! Duh.

Chelsea's Fav Running Songs

1. The Kill – 30 Seconds to Mars
2. Welcome Home – Coheed and Cambria
3. Fresh Feeling – Eels
4. Everything is Wonderful – Everclear
5. Saviour - Lights
6. When Love Takes Over – Guetta and Kelly Rowland
7. Survivor – Destiny's Child
8. No Getting Over You – Guetta and Fergie
9. Bootylicious – Destiny's Child (this is good for walking fast/warm up)
10. Lua – Bright Eyes (good for walking slow/cool down)

By-eee

Thank you again for reading! Enjoy the picture of the day!

Comment Below: Tell me some of YOUR funny run-ins while on a jog!

Love, Chels

I thought this photo was ironic due to the current issue of whether or not Bieber fathered a child.

I seem to be rocking some sort of pregnant looking belly. Also, I'm pretty sure that since Shopper's

Drug Mart put up these cut-outs of the Biebs, every girl in Windsor aged 10-25 has taken a photo

with it.