Have you ever had a stranger's junk in
your face? I feel confident in saying that for many of you the answer
is yes, but I'm referring to a particular situation, one not
involving alcohol mixed with bad decisions. Here is a non-fictional
tale that I like to call “Checkout Girl Checks Out More Than
Groceries.”
It was a dark, stormy Friday (it could
of been a sunny Tuesday, I can't remember, I was trying to add a
dramatic effect) and I was at my job working hard...hardly
working*...stupid auto correct. My job consists of standing behind a
counter with a giant freezer full of delicious food behind me.
Customers come in, tell me what they want and I grab it for them. It
sounds like a pretty uneventful environment doesn't it? WELL IT'S
NOT!
I do most of my human observations at
my job, and I rarely come home without an interesting story. This one
in particular really stands out in my mind. Anyway, this is the type
of store where we get a lot of regulars and the majority of the time
people know what they are coming in for; in and out. On this
particular day, a customer I did not recognize came into the store.
He was a bigger man, bald with terrifying tattoos up and down his
arms. I greeted him in the upbeat way I usually greet customers and
then went about my business while he looked at our sale flyer. His
mannerisms were different of a regular customer, which caught my
attention. For example, he kept pacing, scratching the back of his
neck, looking through the one paged flyer more times than necessary,
etc. At this point, I thought maybe he is just having a tough time
deciding what to purchase for dinner, it IS quite a crucial choice.
So, I walk in front of him, with the counter separating us of course
and say “may I grab something for you?” WELL, at this very moment
I discovered EXACTLY what he wanted me to grab! I looked down and my
heart dropped to the floor. Let's just say the Oktoberfest behind me
weren't the only sausages in the store. He was completely exposed! My
eyes widened and I drew back startled. I quickly composed myself and
shot my eyes back up in the direction of his head (the one on his
shoulders). He listed a few items he wanted to purchase and I grabbed
them for him as fast as I could. As he is choosing his groceries, two
elderly women walk in. I couldn't have them seeing this! I don't know
CPR and I'm quite certain these innocent little ladies would have a
heart attack if they saw what I was looking at. I had to get this guy
out of here as soon as possible. His junk was like a terrible car
accident; you're not sure why but you can stop looking at it. I had
to constantly remind myself to keep my eyes elsewhere. Finally it was
time to check him out (his groceries) and so many things kept rushing
through my head; “how can he not feel that breeze? Is he doing this
on purpose? Is it looking at me? What should I have for lunch?” (I
was hungry).
Soon my fear subsided and I realized
how funny this was. As I was ringing up his total, it took all my
strength not to laugh. I had to pretend I was having a coughing fit
just to suppress my laughter. Of course he decides he wants to pay
debit which is exactly level with his penis. I had to type in his
total on the debit machine, insert his card and spin the machine in
his direction, all with my hand less than a foot away from his
package. I packed his groceries, handing him his receipt and he was
gone. Thankfully the elderly ladies never noticed.
Last time I checked, I was supposed to
show CUSTOMERS our meat, not the other way around. I really do think
he did that on purpose and if the expected end result was to turn me
on, he in no way, shape, or form succeeded. The only turning on his
act of disgustingness did was turn me on to women.
At least it was an eventful day at work
and I have a story to tell the Bun Guy (I should probably know his
name by now but I feel Bun Guy will suffice)
Thank you for reading!
Picture of the Day
This is me on vacation in Chicago, enjoying a beer and deep dish pizza. MMM.
