Christmas Wrapping

Introduction

I just came back from eating lunch with my mother, during which she decided to tell me about a dream she had the previous night. She dreamed that my most recent ex-boyfriend made out with her behind a wall during a marathon they were running and he then told all his friends she was the best kiss he ever had. Ew.

After indulging in a massive helping of eggs benedict and a Philly Steak Sammy for mom, we did our routine teeth check, looking for pieces of leftover food stuck in the cracks or crevices of our grill. I smiled at Mom, I was clean. Then Mom smiled and she had a pepper flake stuck at the top of her front tooth. She swished around some water in her mouth and smiled again, it was still there but lower down on her tooth. She swished around some more water, it was again still there but lower down on her tooth. At this point I'm laughing hysterically. She once again swished some water around in her mouth and smiled at me once again. I almost died of laughter. The pepper flake had made its way to the top of her OTHER front tooth. I laughed so hard it made a scene and we had to leave.

Christmas Wrapping

In the spirit of December 1^st, I thought I would share my opinions about wrapping Christmas gifts.

Now, I have a special gift. I can look under the Christmas tree, locate all presents addressed to me and guess correctly what each box contains. My mother no longer puts my presents under the tree early because it takes away from the surprise. Perhaps its not that I have a seventh sense (my sixth sense is being able to guess what customers at M&M Meat Shops are going to order before they even say it...its a game I play with myself at work) but that my parents aren't being creative enough with their wrapping jobs.

My brother and I have mastered the art of creative wrapping. Sure, there is the age old trick of taking a small gift and putting it inside of a box which is inside of a box which is inside of a box which is inside of a large box but we've taken the element of surprise to a whole new level. We use different supplies to mask the shape of the gifts we are wrapping. For example last year we wrapped a bracelet for my mother in empty wrapping paper tubes, creating the illusion that she was receiving a golf club. We also like to add decorative elements to each gift, in order to impress others and enhance the Christmasy feel.

Sure, I appreciate and admire a perfectly wrapped gift with a perfectly curled ribbon or bow topping it. However, what really makes my heart smile is a horribly wrapped gift. I find it funny and creative. I am naturally horrible at wrapping gifts, but when I TRY to make my gifts look horrible, it gives them a Tim Burton sort of feel and I like it. My family and I always share some laughs over how horrible the wrapping of our presents are, and these laughs are what I like most about opening gifts. It's also a creative and funny idea to wrap gifts in something other than wrapping paper! Use a sock, or anything else you can find around the house. It's funny!

The best part of wrapping gifts is the To and From tags! I don't think my brother and I have ever used our own names on a tag before. We like to make our presents from famous duos such as Sonny and Cher or Simon and Garfunkel. It makes for better entertainment while opening gifts.

I love the Holiday Season and I like to get really into it. When I wrap gifts I throw on the fire place, put on a Christmas movie, slap on my red robe and make a tea...or a double vodka. Don't go to one of those stations where they wrap your gifts for you, you'll miss out on all the fun, creativity and humour you can bring to your holiday!

By-eee

Thank you again for reading! Happy December and I hope your holiday season is going to be a safe and joyous one! The pictures below are some of the presents my brother and I have wrapped and graced our home with their presence. Enjoy!

Love, Chels :)

To: Sugar Mama  From: Karina and J.R (she's a DWTS fan). This is one of my creations. A simple wrapped box, jazzed up with a crappily made carboard tree avec tinsel and stickers!

To: Mufasa From: Timon and Pumba. This beautiful work of art was created by my brother. Could it be a DVD? Could it be a book? Could it be a hockey stick? Who knows because its cleverly disguised as a church!

 To: Mom   From: William and Kate. I really don't even remember what is inside here. It looks like an airplane...but its noooooot:)

To: Mac  Daddy   From: Al Roper and Arms Bumenlag.  This precious gift was wrapped in an extra poster                                                         of the skeletal system I had laying around!

                                 To: Arnold  From: The Housekeeper.  It could be a hat with earflaps?

Story of Rejection

Introduction

Tonight has been filled with odd conversations. I'd like to share some of them with you.

Conversation 1

Mom: “I don't like this new toilet paper. It leaves bum crumbs at the back of the toilet.”

Me: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Mom: “Like, little peices of brown toilet paper.”

*I'm laughing, while typing this as my Facebook status*

Mom: “STOP! I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING WITHOUT IT GOING ON FACEBOOK...STOP...at least make sure you say the bum crumbs are on the toilet and not in our bums!”

*Dad comes home from work*

Mom: “Chris, I got rid of the bum crumbs from the toilet.”

Dad: “The what!?”

Mom: “BUM CRUMBS! THE BUM CRUMBS! HOW DO YOU NOT GET IT!? Didn't you ever see that toilet paper commercial with the bears!”

Conversation 2

Me: “My new haircut makes me look like a 10 year old Asian boy.”

Mom: “It does not. You're eyes aren't smaller.”

Dad: “It makes you look like Cher.”

Conversation 3

Dad: “Sarah from Jeopardy is hot eh?”

Me: “Dad, I'm not a lesbian I swear.”

Mom yells from kitchen: “WHAT'S TOO HOT? MY RICE? LET IT COOL OFF BEFORE YOU EAT IT!”

Conversation 4

Mom: “GET BACK HERE, WE'RE HAVING NICE FAMILY TIME DAMN IT!”

Conversation 5

Brett: “Chels, has Mom ever had the sex talk with you?”

Mom: "Yes, she taught me everything I know.”

Sometimes I really enjoy my family. Haha.

Story of Rejection

Today I feel like telling one of the many, many, many, many, many, many, many FML moments that has occurred in my life.

It was a couple years ago and I was head-over-heels for a boy, I'll call him Arnold (clearly I don't actually know an Arnold because nobody names their child Arnold anymore but I feel I should respect “Arnold's” privacy). We've been occasionally engaging in secret rendezvous for sometime now. I'm pretty sure I was in love and I'm pretty sure I was probably his third or ninth booty call choice. Anyway, we (me, Arnold, and a bunch of our friends) were out for an event, I can't remember exactly what the event was but I think it might of been the annual wine gala we always attend. The wine is free at this gala and the food is incredibly fancy which means it's small portions of acquired tastes. Therefore, it's a lethal combination of free wine and hardly any food. After the wine gala, everyone decided they wanted to hit the bars. Arnold didn't want to and I wanted Arnold, which means I didn't want to either. So, I accompanied Arnold back to his house. When we got there, we were laying on separate couches. Here is what was going through my head at this point:

“Why isn't he making a move? We are alone and drunk.”

“Is he even awake?”

“He probably had another booty call arranged and I'm cramping his style.”

“Good Lord, he is so adorable. I should make a move. No I can't, he clearly is not into me. But we are hardly ever alone, maybe I should just make a move.”

I decided to make a move. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or the overwhelming desire I had to kiss him. I rolled off the couch I was on and crawled over to him. Thank God his eyes were closed at this point because I'm sure me crawling is not a sexy sight. I probably should of taken his closed eyes and mild snoring as a sign not to kiss him. I didn't care, I figured he'd appreciate the forwardness and it would lead to an intense passionate make-out. I leaned over top of him and kissed him on his lips. He then jumped, hitting me away with his hand and said in a monotone, non-joking voice “Oh, I thought you were my cat.” Then went back to sleep.

I thought...you were...my CAT? Really? Not a “Oh hello there” or a kiss back? I thought you were my cat. Awesome. I bet the cat would of gotten more of a positive response. I used to be a very shy person when it came to admitting my feelings for someone or making a move and this was taking a huge risk for me and it resulted in this. Anyways, I didn't know what to say so I said...”Uh, sorry I just...felt...like...making out. Good night.” then I went back to my couch and curled up in the corner, wanting to die.

The next morning I woke up and realized I needed a ride home. My friend and saviour Erica came over to get me but decided to visit for a bit. When we were alone, I told her about the epic fail that was last night. She laughed of course, and I don't blame her. We were all sitting in the living room when Arnold's cat came out of the closet. Erica and I died laughing. Nobody else got the joke.

Lessons Learned: I'm actually very proud of myself for going after what I want, even if I was rejected. It didn't hinder me from making moves in the future because I figure it'll either result in getting what I want or a funny story I can share with my friends. Also, I need to work on my seducing skills. Also, never date a guy with a cat.

By-eee

Thank you again for reading! Please subscribe to my blog! As always, enjoy the picture of the day below.

Me sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon. I love risking my life for a great picture. Pretty sure you were not supposed to be in this area of the Canyon. No goal is too big or too small :)

Running

Introduction

Hello! I appologize for my long absence! Here is my reasoning: I'm lazy. Actually, aside from being lazy I was waiting until I had completed the blogging classes that I had signed up for so I can better serve you as a blog enthusiast. Well, I waited anxiously until the day arrived, the day of my first blog class! I was super stoked, thinking about how I would bring my notebook with the cool design on the front, and an array of writing utensils so I could diligently take notes. I also secretly hoped there would be a cute male, preferably my age and preferably single in my class who would fall for me after realizing I am not only somewhat good looking but somewhat intelligent as well (and funny) and we would talk about blogging and our views on the world and how we want to share them. I get a call, a couple hours before I am due to be in class, telling me that not enough people signed up for the class so it is CANCELLED. Now, I am used to this type of luck so I had no reaction to this. It just would be been nice to know more about blogging seeing as I don't know much except that I like doing it. So, I know my blog isn't the most esthetically appealing one in the world, but I think the words in it are entertaining so I'm just going to keep at it! So, enjoy.

Running

Today's topic is about running. I've been doing a lot of it lately. I do literally NO other form of exercising or physical activity except running which is why perhaps I have extraordinary legs and look like the Michelin man everywhere else. Anyway, every time I go for a run something interesting seems to happen. Here are some of my run-ins on my run (note my clever word usage there):

Giant Spider: It was a cool, fall day and I was enjoying a solid jog around the neighbourhood. I was innocently running down my street when I stopped dead in my tracks and involuntarily yelped “HO-LY F**K!” Hanging from a tree, crawling up its web was the BIGGEST, JUICIEST, HAIRIEST (oh my word, I am gagging and shivering just writing about it) SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN. I kid you not when I say his butt was the size of a ping pong ball and his legs were the size of french fries from Wendy's. If spiders had names this one's name would be something along the lines of Rex, Butch, or Hulk Hogan. I instantly ran to the other side of the street, where my house happen to be. I felt like it was on me. I was devastated. Knowing it was only metres away from my house terrified me to my core. I am actually staring out the window right now to the spot where the fateful meeting occurred.

Goose Chase: I was running by the river today. I just wanted a nice, relaxing jog to the bridge and back where I could collect my thoughts. This was not the case. Up ahead of me I saw a goose lounging in the shade. For those of you who know me, you know I love geese! I was excited to run by him, I knew it would make my heart smile. As I ran closer, I noticed he was accompanied by a few friends, and by a few I mean hundreds of other geese. I was so excited about this until I ran past a few hanging out in a circle and they proceeded to run after me. They were dangerously close to my ankles, and I was quite worried one would try to peck my socks off. I felt like I was the star of the movie Fly Away Home. They eventually stopped chasing after me and I was on my merry way again.

Bear Encounter: About a year ago I was living in Whistler, BC and I was enjoying my daily jog along the trail. I had my headphones in, probably listening to a favourite song of mine that wasn't even cool in the 90's. As I ran past people on the trail they were looking at me, talking and pointing. I assumed they were probably marvelling at the size of my armpit sweat stains or something but once I turned the corner, I realized they were trying to warn me. I came literally face to face with a baby black bear. If I had extended my arm I'd be touching his nose. Luckily he was more afraid of me than I was of him, probably because at the time I resembled a sweaty warthog.

Wedgie Woman: Today I was running to the library. There was a elderly woman up ahead at the bus stop. She was just going to TOWN on her wedgie, I swear her whole arm was up there. She was wiggling and squirming left and right. She eventually retrieved her wedgie from her butt crack and I applauded her (not out loud, but in my head).

I love my running adventures, but on a serious note, running has changed my life in quite a positive way lately. I started running soon after my last boyfriend and I broke up. I began running because I wanted to focus on MYSELF, I wanted to get in shape, clear my mind, and have something positive to focus on and running was the solution to this. When I run, I am mostly motivated by anger, I'm not exactly sure why but when I think about people who have hurt me or situations that have really sucked for me, I run faster and harder. I've lost inches and pounds since I've became serious about running and I've even entered my first 5km run for charity (my second one is in a few days). At first, it was hard and I couldn't run for a long period of time but now I run at least 5km a day and I actually ENJOY it, I don't just do it because I feel I have to.

Chelsea's 10 Tips for Running

1. Put on a good song and pretend you are running in a music video, whether it be running towards someone you've missed or running away from someone or something you hate. It really works! Lol.
2. Run at a comfortable pace and when you are passing an attractive male or female you want to impress, pick up the pace and adjust your form (get the arms moving, push out the chest and bring your feet to your butt). It not only keeps your heart rate up but maybe you'll get a phone number or two.
3. Pretend your ex boyfriend/girlfriend is behind you. Show off so they can see what they are missing.
4. If you hit a red light, stretch your legs and arms. I don't stretch properly so it doesn't do anything for my physically but I feel like when I stretch, people in their cars waiting at the light may think I know what I'm doing.
5. Mouth the words and do an arm dance to whatever is playing on your mp3. I get a lot of weird looks but it makes my run more enjoyable.
6. Bring a folded paper towel to dab your boogers.
7. This is probably a given, but if you need to bring items with you on your run (ex: phone, debit card) then do NOT wear a pouch (I got made fun of for doing this). Instead put it in your bra or get one of those strap pouches that goes around your arm.
8. Pick a goal point that you want to be able to run to without stopping to walk. It'll take you a few tries before you can do it! Don't time yourself, just be able to finish! Once you can, than time yourself and try to improve your time each run.
9. Wait at least an hour after you eat before you run. The cramps are worse than a woman on “girl time” with indigestion.
10. Drink lots of water before and after your run! Duh.

Chelsea's Fav Running Songs

1. The Kill – 30 Seconds to Mars
2. Welcome Home – Coheed and Cambria
3. Fresh Feeling – Eels
4. Everything is Wonderful – Everclear
5. Saviour - Lights
6. When Love Takes Over – Guetta and Kelly Rowland
7. Survivor – Destiny's Child
8. No Getting Over You – Guetta and Fergie
9. Bootylicious – Destiny's Child (this is good for walking fast/warm up)
10. Lua – Bright Eyes (good for walking slow/cool down)

By-eee

Thank you again for reading! Enjoy the picture of the day!

Comment Below: Tell me some of YOUR funny run-ins while on a jog!

Love, Chels

I thought this photo was ironic due to the current issue of whether or not Bieber fathered a child.

I seem to be rocking some sort of pregnant looking belly. Also, I'm pretty sure that since Shopper's

Drug Mart put up these cut-outs of the Biebs, every girl in Windsor aged 10-25 has taken a photo

with it.

222

Introduction

Good evening! So tonight we had a massive storm while I was at work. I saw that the storm was starting to pick up so I went outside to bring in all our promotional signs and flags inside. In the 2 minutes I was outside, I had dust fly into my eye, causing me to be temporarily blinded for 30 seconds and in that time one of our flags fell over on top of me. I seriously hope nobody was watching at this point in time.

            So, I just received a text from my friend Jenna who is in Vegas right now (I could not attend because I had to work) and she is currently partying with one of my biggest heroes, SNOOKI! I feel sick with jealousy. I would do anything to meet Snooki. I know we would be best friends. I legit want to barf because I’m so upset that I’m not there.

            On another note, I am currently watching television, the weather to be exact and first of all the weather girl’s dress is a hideous display of bad judgement. It looks like someone who lived in the 60’s and had no money and a horrible fashion sense. The sound on my TV is being weird, making her sound like Lil Wayne. The Marine Land commercial was previously on where they sing that annoying song and it sounded like a Lil Wayne remix, it was quite hilarious.

            Anyway, enjoy the blog. (I’m miserable)

222

I see the number 222 absolutely everywhere. At first I thought it was a coincidence but after the billionth odd 222 sighting I am convinced it means something to me. Let me share some of my weird sightings. I won't name them all because I've been seeing it almost every day for a couple years now.

How did it start? Well I attended a conference a couple years ago and one of the fellow attenders was staying in room 222. Now, everyone at this conference kept repeating room 222 all week because the girl staying in that room had brought a lifetime supply of fudge, so that's where you wanted to be if you had a sweet tooth or the munchies.  222 was sort of the joke of the conference.

Every single day I NEVER miss when it is 2:22pm...NEVER. It is weird because I sometimes find my eyes or head being drawn to the clock when it is that time. Even if I am not in a rush or if I don't necessarily care what time it is, I will always jerk my head towards the clock to check when it is 2:22.

One night, just over a year ago I was sleeping and I had a nightmare and jolted up in my bed. I looked over at the clock and it was 2:22am.

One night only a couple months ago I was sleeping in my Mom's bed because it is way more comfy and I had one of those weird half dream things where you are awake with your eyes open but you think you see things. Anyway, I saw a "ghost" in the corner of the room and it frightened me to the point where I snapped out of my half dream. I looked at the clock and yep, 2:22am.

Cars with 222 license plates are constantly driving in front of me.

I went to the hospital to have a surgical procedure done where I was awake for it. I lay on the operating table and I was so scared I decided to try and focus on an object instead of looking around the room at the scary instruments. I looked straight up and the product number on the lamp was 2.22.

The day after my surgical procedure I went to Wendy's with my friend Amanda (love). We ordered our food and then the attendant asked us if we would like sauce or something (I can't remember exactly what it was) with our meal and we said yes. So she yelled to the kitchen staff, "I need some sauce for order 222." We both looked at each other and were like, woah.

I am CONSTANTLY seeing items that cost $ 2.22. For example the other day I went to pump gas and on the gas nozzle was an ad for a product that was $2.22, there was a sign at the store I went to the other day, .2 for $2.22, I always see 2.22 in advertisements.

I had a virus or some defect on my computer, it was defect number 222.

At work I was stacking boxes and the order number on them was 222.

This is the weirdest one. One day I was at work a few months ago and I was so bored. I had a calculator in front of me and I thought to myself "here is the test. I am going to press a bunch of random buttons on this calculator and see what it equals. If it is 222 then this number means something to me." Honest to Pete, I am not lying and/or exaggerating, I closed my eyes, hit several random buttons so fast that I couldn't tell you what I had hit, pressed the = sign and it was 222. My heart sunk. I didn't know whether I was blessed or cursed.


There are SO many more 222 encounters, I can't even count. I decided to look up the meaning on the internet and there are several meanings. A few sites said that if you see it often, it means you are on the right track. Also, I am not the only one who sees this everywhere. There is a Facebook group and a website for people who see 222 everywhere! I am convinced it has a deep meaning for me and I've come to feel comfortable with the number. It is almost like a guiding light, I feel like when I see it I am where I am supposed to be. Weeeird.

By-eee

Keep an eye out for 222! Enjoy the picture of the day below!

Comment Below: What’s your favourite number and why?

Love, CHELSEA oxoxoxoxox

Here is a picture of my roomate Kaya and I on Halloween. I am dressed as Snooki! Kaya is clearly a Ninja Turtle.

My Habits

Introduction

Hi! So I’ve been thinking that some of my posts may be too long what with having an Out-dated Update, a Try This! and a Topic of the Day every blog. Therefore, I think I might not include all three of these in every single blog. I do not want to discourage someone from reading my blog due to crazy length! Today’s blog is primitive and it doesn’t involve a lot of deep thinking!

My Habits

We are all made up of habits, whether they are derived from nature or nurture, whether they are good or bad, and whether or not we notice them or have to be pointed out to us. Here are some of my habits that I've noticed and some that have been brought to my attention.

-When I am watching television, I love to pick the dead skin off my feet and put it behind my couch. We all have something we like to collect and this just so happens to be my thing so leave me alone about it. My mom is less than supportive of my hobby and vacuums it up daily.

-I hate bringing things in from my car. I don't know why but I hate carrying things from my car to my house to I have a junk collection in my car. I used to blame the mess on my brother but since he bought his own car, I have no scapegoat.

-I don't refill ice cube trays when they are empty. I hate taking the time to do it.

-When the ticket ripper at the movies says "enjoy your show" I always say "thanks, you too"

-I don't like covering my food up with saran wrap before putting it in the microwave. I’d rather just clean up the mess of my food exploding after I am done eating.

-When I drive I always stick out my lips. I have NO idea why I do this, I don't do it voluntarily.

-I pick my nose. It is not something to be ashamed of.

-I sleep with Pierre, my stuffed sea lion every night. I have an awkward sleep if I don't have him.

-I put my hand in my pants when I sleep. I do not have an explanation for this one either but I find it more comfortable for some reason.

-I never hang my coat up. I always just leave it on the back of a chair.

-I am sort of bad at introducing myself when in a group. I always just act like I know them until we've been hanging out with at least an hour and I'm like "I'm Chelsea by the way."

-I often get too full to finish the very last bite of my food.

-I shiver when I'm full. My brother calls it the "fake shake" because he thinks I fake it.

-My hands wander when I kiss someone.

-I bite my cuticles.

-I always do my wash then forget to put it in the dryer.

-I pick my teeth all the time.

-I stare at people's mouths when they talk instead of in their eyes but this is because my hearing sucks so I like to look at their mouth so I can better tell what they are saying.

-I instantly cry when those hurt animal commercials come on

-When I feel like I’m going to cry but don’t want to I roll my eyes up and make a pouting face and it seems to help.

-I sometimes have selective hearing, especially if I am writing or watching TV.

SIDE NOTE: right now my dog has her head rested on my keyboard and is reading my blog, so cute.

-I tend to have a new favourite song every week and it’s the only song I listen to for that week.

-I always forget my jewellery at other people’s houses.

-I always lose one sock in my bed or other people’s beds.

-I bite my straws.

-I lose house keys.

-I always sing songs that I don't know the words to and usually just mumble.

-I always throw my glasses in my purse without putting them in the case, getting them all scratched up.

-Whenever I take a bath I have to have a washcloth covering my stomach, I’m not sure why.

-I prefer eating with plastic utensils rather than silverware.

-I like to be touching my partner when sleeping, even if it’s just a leg or hand but I feel it annoys them so I wait till they fall asleep hahahaha

-I sleep with my mouth as wide open as can be most of the time.

-I would rather show up to something RIGHT on time than early.

-I sleep with one leg sticking out of my covers.

-When I'm cold at night, I tuck my pants into my socks.

-I clean my teeth using a sewing needle.

By-eee

Thank you for reading! Enjoy the picture of the day below!

Comments Below: Let me know some of your funny habits, good or bad!

Love always,

Chelsea ox

So, I needed a dress for some occasion that I can't remember. I found this dress at Value Village. It is made of velour. I bought it because it intrigued me but then I realize how rediculous it looked/felt. It remends me of a dress an Italian grandmother would wear. So, here I am cooking pasta sauce in my Italian Grandma dress.

Laughing

Introduction

Howdy-ho! Today’s blog is coming to you live from my couch, where I haven’t moved from in hours. I went to the Zoo today with my friend Emily. Naturally, the pigs came flocking to us. I am assuming they recognize their own kind. The monkeys seemed less than impressed with us as they kept lunging towards us with terrifying faces and loud shrieks. I’m no monkey expert but I think they didn’t like us. There was a talking bird there but he wasn’t in the mood to socialize with me. Personally, I think I am a lovely conservationist, maybe they were shy. I came close to purchasing a pot bellied pig for 100 dollars. I felt it was a great price and he was so fricken cute. I think this will definitely be my next pet. Anyway, enjoy today’s blog!

Topic of the Day

Today’s topic is laughing.

It’s weird and sometimes entertaining when you can't stop laughing in situations when a laughing fit probably isn't appropriate. These situations can include: during someone’s speech or presentation, in class, at a funeral, during a silent part in the movie theater, church, sexy time (well, depending on what you are dealing with, laughing may be perfectly appropriate), graduations, when someone is crying, etc. I wonder if laughing in non-laughing situations is a mental thing or if it’s really just that funny. Sometimes our minds like to tempt us like that and we can't help but to do something we aren't supposed to in that moment.

I love laughing; it’s probably one of my favourite pastimes. I like when I laugh so hard that my abs get a terrific workout. I want laugh lines. I think they are a sexy mark of long time happiness. I always wonder why whoever created humans decided to build us to make random weird noises come out of us when something is funny. Like, when you really think of it, the act of laughing is weird. Imagine if we were built to blink really fast and twitch when something was funny, instead of making noises. I also always wonder what the percentage of laughs are forced and what percentage are natural. Realistically, if we hear things that are funny but not HILARIOUS we force out a voluntary laugh, even if we don't realize, because even though it is amusing the majority of funny things we hear aren't howling, eye-watering, ab-hurtingly funny where you can't help but laugh.

There are as many different sounding laughs as there are people on the planet. Most people even have two or three different laughs, depending on the severity of funnyness (I know this is not a word but I'm sure you understand me). Sometimes after I laugh at something I sound like a convulsing animal, I think to myself "what...was...that?"

Laughing is attractive. That is why in so many movies and TV shows when girls are trying to impress a guy they pretend to laugh at something funny. I am not suave enough to pull this off. I would end up choking on something. Also, due to my allergy to milk I sometimes snort when I laugh and as much as some people may think it’s cute, in reality it’s probably not. I also drool when I laugh too hard. I'm not sure why but my brother does it too so I'm going to blame it on heredity. Or in many movies you see slow motion scenes where a girl is laughing and throws her hair back while she does so, hopefully making viewers think "oh, she’s laughing in slow motion and her hair is swishing,  she must be a genuine, fun-loving character who everybody loves." 

Here are some types of laughs I've observed over my years:

1. The "Omg I Can't Breathe Laugh" : this laugh is either a genuine laugh that occurs when something is too hilarious to handle or is a fake, overdramatic laugh used by those who like attention. This laugh is commonly accompanied by watery eyes, dropping to the floor, drooling, etc. If this laugh were to be expressed on the computer, it would look something like this: AAAAHAHAHAHAHHAA OMGOMGOMGOMG HAHAHAHAHAA LMAOALMALOLAMOA.

2. The Pity Laugh: is a courteous laugh demonstrated by those who feel bad for others who have either just told a joke or a story that was meant to be funny, but in actuality was not.  Computer Version:  haha...

3. The Bitchy Fake Laugh : when I'm  in my T-Rex mode (Oh yeah, this is my new reference to my mood swings. When I am in bitch mood I tell people that I am in my T-Rex mode) I often demonstrate this laugh. It is used when someone says something that is offensive or annoying and you use a really bitchy fake laugh that is meant to be obviously bitchy.  Computer Version: hah.  or heeeent (say it sound loud, it makes sense)

4. Flirty Laugh: whether real or fake, it is designed to flirt with boys. Light, airy, girly, charming. Usually accompanied by hair flipping, putting your hand on the guys leg or chest, widening of the eyes, covering mouth with hand in order to seem classy. Common side effect : boy falls in love with you.

5. The Cry/Laugh: most common in drunk people and accompanied by the phrase "i dunno if I’m laughing or crying." This is when something sad happens that triggers crying, but a patient friend makes a joke to try and cheer you up so you have sort of a laughing/crying combination forming, which usually puts you in an even better mood before because you got out a good cry and experienced a nice laugh. Sort of like a rainbow; when rain and sun mix, something really beautiful happens.

Laughing is great and I highly recommend you do it 2-10 times a day=)

By-eee

Much love for reading J Enjoy the picture of the day!

Love,

Chelsea <3

This is a very attractive photo of me. There isn't much of a story to go along with it, I just think it really captures my personality.

Weird Things My Cousin and I Do & Self-Talk

Introduction

Good day! So today I went shopping with my lovely, newly engaged cousin to try on bridesmaid dresses! It was such a fun experience but left us torn between two dresses. Personally, I’m just ecstatic that I didn’t get stuck in any, rip any, or fart while wearing any of them. I always make fun of those girls on wedding shows who cry but I teared up when I saw my cousin in her wedding dress. She’s going to make a beauty of a bride and I’m so honoured to be the one standing next to her. =)

Out-dated Update

In honour of my cousin Alyssa becoming engaged and allowing my awkward, weird self not only attend her wedding but be a part of it, today’s out-dated update is: Weird Thing My Cousin and I Used To Do.

As children, Alyssa and I would display weird behaviours. Now, I wasn't the most social of children and I was and still am a little weird (at least I KNOW I am weird and I can admit it).  Anyway, my cousin Alyssa (who is one year younger then I am) was/is probably just as strange so it’s no wonder we did odd things as children together.

Club - So, we had a club. This club consisted of the following people: Me, Alyssa. That’s it. So I forget the name of this club but we had journals that were kept at my house and when Alyssa would visit (which would be about 1-2 times a week) we would write in these journals. We would write about our current crushes and what we wanted to do with them (pictures included). We were not shy to let each other know what was on our minds and our journal entries were sometimes quite graphic (keep in mind we were also like 10 and perverted).

Book Readings - as part of our club we would have weekly book readings. This would consist of sneaking into my Mom's room, retrieving her romance novels and reading them in my room while we laughed at the naughty parts.

Cussing - we would hang out at the park across the street from my house and make up excuses to say swear words because we thought we were cool. So we would go high up on the playground, drop our sunglasses or whatever off the top and say bad words.

Slide- we invented a game called "funny ways of going down the slide." The name pretty much speaks for itself. We would create cool ways to slide down a slide and name them, a terrific past-time that entertained us for hours.

Bathtub Routines - we loved to take baths together (I will not disclose how old we were when we stopped). So whenever Alyssa would come over, we would take a bath together and make up dance/singing routines to show our Dads. (we wore towels when we presented them).

Song-Writing – we would have weekend sleepovers at Alyssa’s house and listen to songs but change the words to make them about people we know. We’d do this for hours.

Gum – one time Alyssa ate gum off the sidewalk at my house and threw up.

Kegger – one time when we were in high school, I brought Alyssa to a kegger I was attending. We both ended up getting wasted. She threw up on my friend’s car and started crying. My parents obviously knew we were drunk and were pissed, which then upset me and I started throwing up and crying.

There are many, many more where this came from, but for the sake of getting a “WTF really?” reaction I will stop here.

Topic of the Day

The topic of the day today is Self-Talk.

Self-talk can be extremely encouraging or it can be diminishing. Nobody but you can talk you into or out of something. That voice inside your head, whether it be negative or positive is the number one influence in your life. I cannot even express the importance of self-talk in my life and how much it dominates. Self-talk has both helped me through very tough times and sometimes has made situations worse. I think we all have two voices inside our head, the confident one that says yes we can (superego) and the one that holds us back (id).

When I am in nerve-racking situations, I talk to myself (not out loud, well sometimes) and it helps immensely. I tell myself to keep my cool, what’s the worst that can happen, and I remind myself that being nervous is a good feeling and means that I am doing something of worth. I try to remember one of Olivia Joules Rules for Living from the book “Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination.” The rule I try to remember is “nothing is either as good or as bad as it seems.” Self-talk is a wonderful distraction from nerves. For example, I had a job interview for a marketing position while ago (SIDE NOTE: they decided not to hire anybody. Great.) and naturally, I was a little nervous. On the way there, I found an upbeat song on the radio and sang out loud. I acted just like I would if I were on my way to anywhere else. All the while I was telling myself "there is no reason to be overly nervous, you should be more excited that you were blessed with the opportunity to be interviewed, you are a genuine person and your answers will come naturally." This self-talk put me at ease and allowed me to be able to act nonchalant and seem rather confident. I rocked the interview.

I'm one of the many in the world that used to and still do occasionally suffer from panic attacks, even if nothing in particular brings them on. In these times, self-talk is crucial. Tell yourself, "I'm just having a panic attack. I've had them before and I've been fine 5 minutes later so I will be fine in a moment. Lots of people have panic attacks, it doesn't make me weird." Telling yourself that what's happening is not a big deal really helps you shake off the negativity and move on. There is a movie called “Charlie Bartlett” and it is about a guy in high school who is natural at helping people with their problems. He helps one of his buddies who suffered from panic attacks by telling him, “No one has ever died from a panic attack. Just tell yourself: in fifteen minutes I’ll probably be ok.”

Now, not all self-talk is positive. Sometimes we think negative thoughts on purpose and sometimes we can't help but think them. Negative self-talk is detrimental to our personal growth and can easily be stopped with positive thoughts, but it is easier said than done. If you find you are telling yourself things like "I can't do this" or "what is the point of this?" hopefully you are aware enough of what you are doing to reverse it and consciously replace negative thoughts with positive ones. There is no point in being negative toward yourself; people will not feel sorry for you and feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere!

You hopefully would never say negative things to a friend, so why would you say negative things about yourself? If there is something you don’t like about yourself, work towards a positive change instead of putting yourself down.

By-eee

Welp, see ya later! Thank you again for reading! Enjoy the picture of the day!

Love, Chelsea oxxx

This is a picture of me sharing a passionate moment with a goat. I have a picture frame with the words "You and I" on it and I've recently replaced a picture of me and my ex-boyfriend who I refer to as Lord Voldemort with this photo. It really brightened up my room.

Random Things I Think & Bikini Bash

Introduction

So tonight I am writing you from my living room couch. I currently can smell a terrible smell. I have narrowed it down to a few possible sources : my dogs breath, my feet, my sweater after sitting in my brother's smelly car, my unwashed hair, this spot on the couch where my dog usually sleeps. Who knows.  Anyway, I just got back from the Tecumseh Corn Fest, where I scored some free corn on the cob which is only one of my FAV things. Uh, score!

Random Things I Think

-The cure for Cancer is probably something really simple. It’s probably something like take a shot of vinegar and hold your breath for 10 seconds. I am a strong believer in irony. Society as a whole doesn't know how to look at something in a simple way anymore. We are too preoccupied with over-thinking about every little thing that the answers to some of life's hardest decisions are right in front of us.

-Dementia and related diseases and disorders are mainly caused by boredom, not heredity or old age. Keeping busy is the only way to stay sane. Dementia is most common in older people because they are retired and don't know what to do with themselves, not because their minds are old and tired.

-I always root for the underdog. Being an underdog in many situations myself, I love seeing the unexpected triumph.

-There is not only one person out there for each person (soul mates). And if there is, I bet 99% of couples are with the wrong person then because what are the odds you find that ONE person out of all the people on the planet? Each person leads you down a different path. All have ups and downs but all are different. Choose which person leads you down the most appealing path and be with them. For example, if you have two men who love you and want to be with you (one is rich but sort of dull and one is not well off but sooo unpredictable in a good way), picture how your life would be with each one. Most likely both paths would be wonderful but choose one and live it.

-After-life spirits are real and there are living people who can communicate with them. I don't think people can necessarily see spirits but they can feel their presence and energies.

-Zellers is disgusting, especially the one at Devonshire Mall. I mean, do they even have cleaning staff? That place is so gross that it actually makes me physically mad. There is ALWAYS garbage and litter consuming the shelves and floor. The shelves are NEVER organized and stuff is just thrown everywhere.

-Some people like to say "i don’t want anything for my birthday, really!" and get angry when nobody gets them anything. However, I actually do mean it. I hate birthday presents because I feel awkward when opening them in front of the people who gave them to me and then it only means that I have to get them something for their birthday of equal or more value. I'd much, much MUCH rather just have people spend time with me by going to dinner or hanging out on my birthday and if they insist on getting me something, I actually do LOVE homemade stuff.

-I don't like expensive jewellery. I don't just say this because I don't want people to spend money on me but I actually genuinely find expensive jewellery to be ugly and dull. I like gaudy jewellery that is unique and has pizazz. I would seriously rather have a 5 dollar necklace from  Ardene then something from a People’s or Ben Moss. Tiffany’s on the other hand…

-I believe in lying. Let me clarify. I believe in lying when it can't result in hurting somebody and instead makes someone feel good. For example, if somebody worked really hard on cooking a meal for me and I didn’t like it, I would pretend that I do like it. I know most people appreciate an honest person but sometimes I find honesty unnecessary and rude in cases like these. I am a very honest person when need be.

-I don't have a set style when it comes to clothes. I don't buy things because they are "in style." I buy things that I like and if what I like happens to be in style then that is a bonus. I like a lot of different types of clothing derived from different styles and origins and I don't hesitate to buy something I think is cool, even if the people I may be shopping with hate it. You should have seen some of my outfits I used to wear in public. Looking back, I even have to admit that some of them were brutal but at the time I thought they were cool so who cares. I like wearing things that make me feel good. I don't wear things to impress people (only sometimes) and I can't help if what I like impresses people sometimes. lol

-People are people...gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, etc. (I sound like Lady Gaga). I don't care what your story is, we are all people and we all face the same struggles, hobbies, likes, daily encounters, etc. Just as people are people, love is love, no matter which gender or age you love. If you want to experiment, I think that’s rad and all the power to you. I would never judge someone for their sexual orientation or their history. Good for you guys. If you’re gay and I dislike you, it’s because you hurt me or I find it hard to respect you as a person, not because you are gay.

-Romance is dying at an alarming rate. What ever happened to courting a lady? Seriously, I know I sound old fashioned but gimme a break. If you sit down with an older couple and listen to their romantic history, it’s astounding and the gestures some of the men pulled off to land their woman are incredibly respectable and unheard of today. I’m not blaming this all on men, us girls are terrible too. For many girls, their idea of romancing is buying them a drink at the bar and they give everything up. I'm a realist but I don't think romantic gestures are too out of this world to ask for. I've been lucky with encountering some really romantic gestures in my life, but I will save those stories for another blog. NOW, on the other hand, I am the type of person who finds romance awkward and unnecessary unless things are serious. Normally, thinking about romantic things happening to me makes me cringe for some reason but when I meet a person who I am head-over-belly button for, then I love it J

-I find it incredibly awkward when animals watch me doing sexy things with someone and it’s also awkward when dogs watch you go to the bathroom or change your clothes.


-I hate when someone has the power to make me smile and giggle like a school girl when they text me, even if it just says "hey."

-Tooting in front of your partner = true love. I will stand by this forever.

-There is no better feeling in the world then the high on life feeling. I imagine this is what doing ecstasy feels like. Some things that make me feel high on life are: achieving things on my list of things to do before I die, rocking a presentation or speech, landing a job, sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon.

 Out-dated Update

Today I share a tale of great triumph and courage. I shall tell you about, Bikini Bash.

Ah, Bikini Bash. I do not know where to begin with this. I was in grade 12 at the time and I was starting to gain a little popularity (I credit this to my rack that wouldn't stop growing). I thought of nothing but parties and who I was going to get to buy me my next mickey of Malibu rum.
              One weekend, my parents had a party to attend out in Essex and somewhere I got the ridiculous notion to throw a party at my house. My house is SMALL AS HECK. You can’t get any smaller than my house. It is ONE floor. No upstairs, no basement, and it’s not one of those giant houses that is one floor but is separated into wings. No, my.house.is..SMALL.
Anyway, so I decided to throw a party at my house while my parents were out and it’s not even as if they were out for the entire night, they were just out to a party...not even a sleepover party! This party also had a theme, BIKINI BASH. All the girls throwing the party would be in bikinis. This included myself and all my close friends. How conceited is that?
So, because all my friends would have to come over and help set up for the party, I told my parents that I was having a "girls poker night." HAHAHAH. Girls poker night? We were in grade 12, not 12 hundred years old. I mean, if my parents believed that then that is their fault. However, they did believe me and even got out the poker set for me lol. As soon as they left, us girls got into our bikinis and frantically hid the important furniture and locked my dog in my parent's room. I’m so sorry Casey:(

So, the party was well under way and there ended up being like 70-80 people, IN MY TINY HOUSE!!! Girls were making out with each other while guys cheered them on, people were dancing, there were drinks being drunk and hookahs being smoked. People were loving it and I was loving that they were loving it!

Of course some things have to go wrong, it's only natural in my world. Someone drew a diagram of the male genitalia along with the words "Penis Ahoy" on my Mom's cutting board in permanent marker, someone threw up on my carpet and someone ended up vacuuming it, spreading the puke smell throughout the house, and I didn't know but my Dad's bike was thrown over the fence. And, my parents had called to say they were on their way home. We FRANTICALLY kicked everyone out by screaming out "PAREEEENTS." This seemed to clear the majority of the guests. I owe a big thank you to my bestie Colin for helping me get these people out. We QUICKLY threw off our bathing suits and put on our pjs, threw the cutting board and other garbage into a garbage bag. I can't remember exactly what we did with that garbage bag but I think I either threw it in the neighbour’s pile of garbage or gave it to a friend to take home. I couldn't leave that sort of evidence laying around. We made up a story, "Chelsea won the first game of poker then Aleksa won every game after that! It was a fun and relaxing night! (big fake smile)" As I laid down to go to sleep I felt a BIG SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT! I was so amazingly proud of myself, until I got caught...

Naturally, my Dad was curious as to why his bike was over the fence and my Mom wondered where her cutting board disappeared to. They smelled the puke smell and my neighbour said there was quite the commotion at my house that night...and the kicker...at the time my mother and I both worked at the same grocery store, along with another young lad who was at my party Welp, somehow Mom found out from him. Busted.

All in all, so worth it:) Great memories. I actually just right now told my Mom what actually happened to her cutting board and we shared a laugh (well more like I laughed and she shook her head).

By-eee

I love you for reading!!! One day I will be a paid blogger and you will be cool for having subscribed to my first blog. :)  Enjoy the picture of the day!


Here is a picture of me and my friends at Bikini Bash!

Rules for Living, Try This! & Death

Introduction

Hi readers! Well as of right now until I start promoting my blog, my mother is my only reader, so hi Mom! Today I am writing you from my big comfy chair which I havn't moved from in approximatly 12 hours. Enjoy today's blog and of course, leave comments!

Latest Book I Read

So I’m not sure where my rediscovery for love of books came from but I’ve recently signed up for a library card and have been walking up to the local library a couple of times a week. Not only did I discover the magic of renting free movies, but I’ve actually starting doing this thing people call reading.

            Bridget Jones’ Diary is my all-time favourite movie so I thought I should read the book. Well, with my luck the library didn’t have it so I took out a book by the same author titles “Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination.” The overactive imagination part really spoke to me. Long story short, it was about an English female journalist who is charming and goofy just like Bridget Jones. She finds herself in quite serious and dangerous situations but somehow manages to escape them using her wit and personality.

            Anyway, in the book the main character, Olivia lists her Rules for Living and I have to say, I quite agree with them as they are very clever. Olivia quickly became one of my newest book heroines. Here are her Rules for Living:

1.     Never panic. Stop. Breathe. Think.

2.     No one is thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves, just like you.

3.     Never change haircut or colour before an important event.

4.     Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems.

5.     Do as you would be done by, e.g., thou shalt not kill.

6.     It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.

7.     Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, “Does it really matter?”

8.     The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.

9.     Be honest and kind.

10.  Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.

11.  Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination.

12.  When overwhelmed by disaster, check it it’s really a disaster by doing the following: (a) think, “Oh fuck it,” (b) look on the bright side, and if that doesn’t work, look on the funny side. If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.

13.  Don’t expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.

14.  Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

Try This

Today’s Try This! Is one of my most favourite snacks! A dear friend I met in my travels out West made it for breakfast one day and I’ve been hooked ever since. This snack is called The Erin. You will need:

-a skinny baguette

-an avocado

-Tomato

-olive oil

-mayonnaise (Hellmans, none of this fake Miracle Whip crap)

-Salt

-Pepper

Directions:

1.  Cut the baguette into .5-1 inch pieces
2. Brush olive oil onto each piece
3. Spread mayonnaise onto each piece
4. Put slices on avocado on top of each piece
5. Put slices of tomato on top of each piece (optional: I do not always put on tomatoes)
6. Add salt and pepper for seasoning
7. EAT!

Topic of the Day!

The topic of the day is death and my thoughts on it.

I feel that death is a part of life. It is inevitable, but even though we know it’s coming to both us and our loved ones, we never seem to be prepared to deal when it happens. I've been fortunate enough not to have many major losses in my life thus far, so many of my opinions may be considered to be of the "easier said than done" nature.

Yeah, death sucks. It is crappy losing a loved one, especially if it is unexpected or at a young age but the mere fact is...life goes on. The living shouldn't severely alter their lives or shut down forever after a death. Experiencing a death is not the be all end all, it is just a part of life's journey and our journeys continue even after other people's phase of their journey on earth come to an end. Obviously it is important to honour the life of a passed loved one and never forget their impact and achievements but to look back on them with sadness and grief is probably not what they would have wanted anyway.

I find it odd how there are so many things we are able to say to a person once they are gone that we couldn't tell them when they were alive. I'm sorry but I can't stand when people say "I wish I had told you this when you were alive.” Then why didn't you!?!?! If we know that everyone dies eventually, why wouldn't you just say what is on your mind? There is no worse regret than that because, well, it can't be fixed. I used to be a shy, overly reserved person who wouldn’t dare tell my crush I had feelings for him! Throughout my growing up and changing, I’ve become a very open person who sees no point in holding back. Many people may find this annoying or overly bold but I see myself as a brave person who is confident and not afraid to try for what she wants. I take a look at my Aunt, who recently lost her husband at a young age. It breaks my heart having to see such a giving, kind person who deserves nothing but positive things in her life have to live without her soul mate. I’m sure she would give ANYTHING just to spend one more minute with him. I also look at couples who fight CONSTANTLY and downright are not meant to be together, yet they waste their time bickering over the most meaningless topics. Meanwhile, there are stupid (yes, stupid. Blunt, but true) people out there who are too “scared” to tell someone how they truly feel about them. That’s why I don’t have time or patience for games like that. Don’t tell me you love me then never call me. Grow some balls.


I definitely believe in an after-life. Although I am a realist, who says after-life can't be real? What convinced me the most was the one time I was watching Dr. Phil there was a guest who was legally dead for several minutes as she was in a car crash or some type of accident. She had explained that while she was dead, she had been standing over her own body, screaming and watching the paramedics trying to revive her.  I think when you are faced with death, you have a choice of whether or not you want to stay and fight or move on to the next life. I think that the next life option probably looks very attractive and only the very strong people who truly believe their time on earth isn't up and they still have a purpose decide to stay and fight. When my time comes, I hope I can look back on my life with a smile and feel satisfied that I accomplished all or most of what I set out to do, and I feel confident that it is time for me to move on. Personally, I am scared of my loved ones dying but when it comes to myself, I am more curious of what happens than I am scared.

I do find that in a lot of cases, death can shine a light on positive things as it brings people closer together, it allows those affected to really appreciate their life, it allows those affected to prove their strength. I don't think death is a thing to fear as we are not alone in it, it happens to all of us.

By-eee

Thank you for reading! As always, I appreciate you taking the time to listen to what I have to say because that is 10 minutes of your life you will never get back <3 Enjoy the picture of the day!

This is the summer after Grade 11. I tried cutting my bangs myself. My boyfriend broke up with my a couple days after, I wonder why. Please, enjoy a nice laugh.