Christmas with the McCloys

Introduction

So I started writing this blog on December 2^nd and haven’t published it yet due to working every single say and having to get ready for the holidays. One of my New Years resolutions was to be more committed to my blog as I've had several compliments on it lately :) Anyway, I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday! Here is the blog that was SUPPOSED to be published December 2^nd. Woops.

I feel really sad for my dog Casey today. The skin on her butt is so dry that she spends the majority of the day under the coffee table, swaying back and fourth, itching her butt on the edge of the table. The poor thing just walks around all day, sticking her butt in our faces, hoping we will give it a good scratch. Now that the Christmas tree is up, she scratches her butt on the branches. She's actually sitting beside me right now reading this blog and I think she's embarrassed because shes whining.

So I randomly decided that I wanted to work at a kids camp this summer so I did some research online and most camps require you to have bronze medallion training. I had no idea what this was so I Googled that. I discovered you have to be able to throw a rescue floatie 8 metres, no more than 1 meter away from a drowning person. I gave up on the idea after reading this. My hand-eye coordination is the worst. I could try to throw a toothpick into a volcano and I guarantee I'd miss.

Christmas with the McCloys

Today I will tell amusing and true Christmas stories I've personally encountered.

It's a Massaging Device, I Swear

My Dad is the type of guy who is very out-of-touch with...everything, especially Christmas Shopping. I actually love this about him because it makes for very interesting gifts. When I imagine him Christmas Shopping, I imagine him going to the mall on Christmas Eve, not wanting to set foot in a store so he purchases items from those stands in the hallway where annoying sales people try desperately to sell you crap. One Christmas, we were opening our gifts as per-usual. My Mom opened a gift given to her from my Dad. It was one of those battery operated massaging devices. Of course we all thought it was a vibrator and everything got sort of awkward. My Mom is usually really good at being fake excited when opening gifts, but this time she had more of a WTF reaction. My Dad had to explain it was for massages.

A Practical Gift

One year for Christmas, I was having trouble thinking of a gift for my brother. I thought to myself, I could get him a gift card for the mall, but that is so impersonal. I thought, and thought, and thought and eventually came up with a perfect and useful gift. Christmas Eve (we opened our gifts on Christmas Eve this year because my parents were drunk and didn't want to get up early the next morning) I handed my brother his gift and he opened it up and a big smile came across his face. I had given him porn magazines and a big bag of kettle corn.

The Truth About Santa Claus

Eventually, every child has to go through the emotional pain and turmoil of discovering that Santa Claus is nothing more than a lie, a clever ruse, a deceitful trick. And we become embarrassed about saying “yes” on Christmas morning when our parents so cleverly ask us if we saw Santa last night.

I remember how I find out. It was in a horrible way. Most parents gently break the news to their children once they are old enough to handle the emotional repercussions. I found out on my own. It was Christmas morning, I think I was in grade 3 or 4. I could hardly ever sleep on Christmas Eve, all I thought about was waking up to my presents. I woke up around 6am and excitedly ran to the living room. The cookies and milk I had left out for Santa were half eaten as usual. There was a crumpled piece of paper on the ground and I wondered what it could be. I un-crinkled it and opened it up. It was a list divided into four sections: Gifts for Chelsea from Mom and Dad, Gifts for Brett from Mom and Dad, Gifts for Chelsea from “Santa”, and gifts for Brett from “Santa.” It was a list of all the presents my parents had purchased for us that year, and which ones they should have be from “Santa.” The jig was up. I couldn't believe it. They even took the effort to make the writing on the tags on the presents from “Santa” fancy as opposed to their regular hand-writing. How...fricken...clever. My heart sank. I didn't want to ruin my excitement completely so I crumpled the paper back up instead of reading it. I sat on the floor for a minute or two and tried to process the information I just incurred. After a moment of silence, I went into my parents bed and handed them the piece of paper and said nothing more than “I didn't read ALL of it.” Christmas was never the same after that. I should of caught on when my Dad suggested we start leaving Santa a beer and peanuts instead of milk and cookies.

By-eee

Thank you for reading!!!The picture of the day (below) is a festive gingerbread my cousin Alyssa and I made this year. The snowman wouldn't stand up so we decided to make it appear as if he was shot and was bleeding all over his front yard. Enjoy!

Love,

Chels xo