Written June 23rd, 2011
Hello.
I felt the need to blog about the embarrassing-ness that just happened to me. Its nothing SUPER embarrassing but just classic me.
So I needed to go to the bank because I found this government check that I forgot I had and THANK GOODNESS I did because overdraft sucks. Anyway, I had to rush because I had to be back quickly so I could take my brother to work, therefore I put on not the most attractive outfit (note: even if I had time I probably wouldn't of put effort into my appearance. I mean, the only guy who works at the bank has a ponytail...enough said.) So, I was wearing what I can only describe as parachute type pants that are 4 sizes too big for me that sound like a diaper when I walk and an over-sized unfitted t-shirt that says "lucky fisters" on it. My hair looked like I just had it styled at the finest salon in the trailer park. It was hideous and I had NO makeup on, which normally I could get away with but I had some sort of trio of bug bites under my eye. So, now you get the picture of how un-sexy I looked.
Okay, so I get inside the bank and I don't like using machines when cashing checks so I get in line and I see him. The HOTTEST most beautiful looking man I'd ever laid eyes on working behind the counter. My heart stopped and then I realized what I looked like...fuck...my...life. So here is the situation. I was next in line and there were two tellers (hot guy and an old lady) and I'm thinking to myself "PLEASE LET ME GET THE OLD LADY, PLEASE, I LOOK HORRIBLE AND I CAN ONLY LOOK WORSE UP CLOSE, PLEASSEEEE LET ME GET THE OLD LADY". All the while I am flipping my hair, TRYING to look SOMEWHAT sexy/attractive because oddly enough hot guy kept looking over at me (probably because he couldn't see my pants over the counter). So then the customer that was with the old lady finishes up and starts walking away and I think "thank you Lord for hearing my prayer" BUT THEN she walks back and says "oh I forgot to ask you, any plans for the summer?" She starts a FULL ON CONVERSATION with the old lady bank teller. Like, can't you see there is a line forming? I start to get nervous and sweaty because I see that the hot bank teller is counting the customers money which means they are almost done. So basically its a race. Can this annoying lady customer finish up her personal conversation before hot guy is done counting money? Of course not, its me and I have horrible luck. I hear the dreaded words come out of hot guys mouth, "can I help whose next?" I slowly take my walk of shame towards him and put my check on the table, all the while trying my best to be witty and friendly to make up for my horrible appearance. I learned, via name tag that hot guy's name is Ben.
So, here is the conversation...
Ben: "got a government check there eh?"
Chels: " heehehe yep!"
Ben: "that's never a bad thing?"
Chels: "heehehe it sure is not!"
So then he is doing whatever on his computer and I try my hardest not to make eye contact so I can walk out of there with some dignity. So, I pretend to fumble around in my purse and I pulled out my glasses so it looked like I was actually looking for something and I put them on, mind you they are COVERED in fingerprints and he says..
Ben: "I love your glasses"
Chelsea: "they are mens glasses" they are mens glasses? I couldn’t think of anything better to say? maybe a cute thank you or SOMETHING?
Ben: "oh ahaha well I'm not judging you"
Chels: "HehHJSIUAEHDI ok" I made SOME SORT OF NOISE that sounded like a cross between a breech goat being born and a donkey laughing at a funny joke. Like, it was disgusting and I am ashamed of myself. So embarrassing. So then I just walked away, where I'm sure he watched me walk away because well I'm a young girl and hes a young guy...whatever. I'm sure he judged the fricken parachute pants I was poorly rocking. UGHHHHHHHHHHH... on the walk back to my car I said out loud to myself.."idiot..."
I can only hope he remembers my name from swiping my debit card and Facebooks me so he can see that I don't always look that horrible. Anyway, I need some more money so I have an excuse to go back. I hope he isn't there only a limited time because holy moly, he could make me sign up for enhanced banking services any day. He can deposit whatever he wants into my account if you get my drift there. I take away from this incident important lessons; I need to put more effort into my appearance even when running out of the house for only a second and flirting skills ARE directly dependant upon appearance. I am a much better flirt when I don't look like a man.
Despite obvious problems, I think we had a semi connection until he probably saw how much money I don't have and got turned off but whatever. I am definitely a BMO girl for life.
I felt the need to blog about the embarrassing-ness that just happened to me. Its nothing SUPER embarrassing but just classic me.
So I needed to go to the bank because I found this government check that I forgot I had and THANK GOODNESS I did because overdraft sucks. Anyway, I had to rush because I had to be back quickly so I could take my brother to work, therefore I put on not the most attractive outfit (note: even if I had time I probably wouldn't of put effort into my appearance. I mean, the only guy who works at the bank has a ponytail...enough said.) So, I was wearing what I can only describe as parachute type pants that are 4 sizes too big for me that sound like a diaper when I walk and an over-sized unfitted t-shirt that says "lucky fisters" on it. My hair looked like I just had it styled at the finest salon in the trailer park. It was hideous and I had NO makeup on, which normally I could get away with but I had some sort of trio of bug bites under my eye. So, now you get the picture of how un-sexy I looked.
Okay, so I get inside the bank and I don't like using machines when cashing checks so I get in line and I see him. The HOTTEST most beautiful looking man I'd ever laid eyes on working behind the counter. My heart stopped and then I realized what I looked like...fuck...my...life. So here is the situation. I was next in line and there were two tellers (hot guy and an old lady) and I'm thinking to myself "PLEASE LET ME GET THE OLD LADY, PLEASE, I LOOK HORRIBLE AND I CAN ONLY LOOK WORSE UP CLOSE, PLEASSEEEE LET ME GET THE OLD LADY". All the while I am flipping my hair, TRYING to look SOMEWHAT sexy/attractive because oddly enough hot guy kept looking over at me (probably because he couldn't see my pants over the counter). So then the customer that was with the old lady finishes up and starts walking away and I think "thank you Lord for hearing my prayer" BUT THEN she walks back and says "oh I forgot to ask you, any plans for the summer?" She starts a FULL ON CONVERSATION with the old lady bank teller. Like, can't you see there is a line forming? I start to get nervous and sweaty because I see that the hot bank teller is counting the customers money which means they are almost done. So basically its a race. Can this annoying lady customer finish up her personal conversation before hot guy is done counting money? Of course not, its me and I have horrible luck. I hear the dreaded words come out of hot guys mouth, "can I help whose next?" I slowly take my walk of shame towards him and put my check on the table, all the while trying my best to be witty and friendly to make up for my horrible appearance. I learned, via name tag that hot guy's name is Ben.
So, here is the conversation...
Ben: "got a government check there eh?"
Chels: " heehehe yep!"
Ben: "that's never a bad thing?"
Chels: "heehehe it sure is not!"
So then he is doing whatever on his computer and I try my hardest not to make eye contact so I can walk out of there with some dignity. So, I pretend to fumble around in my purse and I pulled out my glasses so it looked like I was actually looking for something and I put them on, mind you they are COVERED in fingerprints and he says..
Ben: "I love your glasses"
Chelsea: "they are mens glasses" they are mens glasses? I couldn’t think of anything better to say? maybe a cute thank you or SOMETHING?
Ben: "oh ahaha well I'm not judging you"
Chels: "HehHJSIUAEHDI ok" I made SOME SORT OF NOISE that sounded like a cross between a breech goat being born and a donkey laughing at a funny joke. Like, it was disgusting and I am ashamed of myself. So embarrassing. So then I just walked away, where I'm sure he watched me walk away because well I'm a young girl and hes a young guy...whatever. I'm sure he judged the fricken parachute pants I was poorly rocking. UGHHHHHHHHHHH... on the walk back to my car I said out loud to myself.."idiot..."
I can only hope he remembers my name from swiping my debit card and Facebooks me so he can see that I don't always look that horrible. Anyway, I need some more money so I have an excuse to go back. I hope he isn't there only a limited time because holy moly, he could make me sign up for enhanced banking services any day. He can deposit whatever he wants into my account if you get my drift there. I take away from this incident important lessons; I need to put more effort into my appearance even when running out of the house for only a second and flirting skills ARE directly dependant upon appearance. I am a much better flirt when I don't look like a man.
Despite obvious problems, I think we had a semi connection until he probably saw how much money I don't have and got turned off but whatever. I am definitely a BMO girl for life.
UPDATE:
Since writing this, there has been an ironic update regarding hot bank guy. A couple weeks after the fateful encounter at the bank, I was at the beach with a couple of friends. We were chatting about boys, obviously and our conversation went something like this:
Friend : “Yeah, I've been talking to this guy. He is so nice. We've been hooking up and oh my God he is so hot.”
Chels : “oooh! What's his name?”
Friend : “Ben.”
Chels : “Nice, what does he do?”
Friend : “he works at a bank.”
Chelsea's Head : “oh my God, it can't be the same guy. The world isn't that small”
Chels: “which bank?”
Friend : “BMO”
Cool. It was the same guy. What are the odds? I really hope my blog about him didn't make its way to him because that would be super embarrassing. I just figured I would never see or hear about him again. So not only is he ridiculously attractive but he is nice and good in bed...and off limits due to friend code. I figured I should stop dressing to the nines to go cash my pathetic checks.
Love, Chelsea
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