So, we all made it through Valentine's Day. For all the single people, I hope it wasn't too depressing and for the couples, I hope it was full of disappointment. Lol jk.
I get annoyed how single people get all worked up about Valentine's Day, claiming they think its “stupid” or “unnecessary.” I used to say these things about Valentine's Day but then I asked myself, “WHY exactly do I not like it?” I couldn't think of a legit reason. It's not because I am single, because I love being and choose to be single. There are a few Valentine cliches I like to avoid, but as far as hating it, I'll save that for the bitter and desperate. Most people blame their hate for VD (Valentine's Day, not Venereal Disease) on the fact that they feel there shouldn't be one day for romance, every day should be the perfect occasion to let someone know they love you. Yes, I do agree with this but I am assuming most couples do romantic things for each other not just on February 14th. I think of VD simply as a reminder to keep the romance alive and a great excuse to do something fun, not a designated day for romance where the other 364 days of the year are just whatever. Most people just need or crave something to complain about and VD is an easy target.
One cliche I do dislike about VD but I am sure MANY women would disagree is when it comes to gifts, I'd be pissed if I got any of the following: jewelry, flowers, chocolate. Unless any of these things were homemade or home-grown, these items are the most uncreative VD gifts ever. You can walk into any corner store, department store, or street corner and find this crap on VD. If we're going to celebrate VD, I want something from the heart. It doesn't even have to be a thing, maybe even a gesture. For example, last year I woke up to a box of homemade rice krispie squares and other assorted treats on my doorstep from my boyfriend (at the time). Of course he was too embarrassed to tell anybody about it and we broke up shortly after but I thought it was great. He always hated VD so naturally I wanted to make his room look like VD threw up in it. So I went to his house while he was at work and attacked it with red and pink heart-shaped stuff. That's probably why we broke up. Meh. Here are some other creative gifts my friends or other people I know have gotten their Valentines: dairy-free chocolate, scrapbook, butt sex, coupon book, cooked dinner, whipped cream bikini, etc.
There is also a lot of added pressure for Valentine's Night if you know what I mean. Personally, I find that when something is planned, it isn't as great as a spontaneous moment. I find this is true with most things: a night out, a birthday party, a conversation with someone, etc. Girls spend a ridiculous amount of cash on fancy lingerie that comes with straps, clips, bells, bear traps, you name it that men have no idea how to even take off. Unless you plan on doing some sort of sexy dance with it on, don't bother because it won't stay on for long anyway. I've actually heard some men say they are scared of lingerie because they worry about how to get it off without looking confused and therefore can't enjoy what's in front of them. However, I do hang out with mostly gay men so that could be why they are afraid of lingerie. Who knows?
You know what I miss? Grade school on VD. I loved how as an art project, we were to make a box for our desk for Valentines and at the end of the day, we went around and put Valentine cards or treats in our friends and peers boxes. I loved going home and looking at all the different Valentine cards and the personal messages written on the back of them. Well, one year I had a minor crush on this boy. I think it was grade 5 or something. Anyway, the only conversation I ever had with this boy was about Austin Powers and he said “want to suck on my zipple” in the Dr. Evil voice. When I was writing out his Valentine card I decided to write that on there as a joke. Then I thought, he probably won't remember having this conversation with me because it was a long time ago and I'm sure the only reason I remember it is because I have a bit of a crush on him. So, I whited it out and just wrote a simple “Happy Valentine's Day” on it. The next day I distributed my cards and then it was home time. I was at my locker getting my backpack organized when he came up to me and simply said “ew, what is this!?” He held out the Valentine I had given him and the white-out was scratched off, revealing the words “want to suck on my zipple.” How embarrassing.
I will tell you a story about my VD a couple years ago. I was in college and on the Student Council and our board retreat fell on Valentine's Day. We were going snow tubing in basically the middle of nowhere and staying in a creepy cabin. Now, not even a week before this retreat my friends forced me to see the movie My Bloody Valentine, which shook me to my core because I don't normally watch scary movies. So, its VD around midnight or so and were all chilling in the cabin when the lights start flickering and one of my friends put on a gas mask and started chasing me around the cabin. I've never screamed so loud in my entire life. My friend who was in on the joke even got scared and ended up slamming my fingers in the bathroom door, where we tried to hide. Later on, on my bed I found a bunch of cardboard hearts with the words “die” carved on them and in the middle, a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Except inside was a mess of crap which they tried to design to look like a human heart. To be honest, that was probably the most romantic VD of my life, knowing my friends went through all that trouble to scare me was really creative and flattering.
Anyway, whether single or taken, I hope you survived VD with minimal damage.
Love, Chelsea
oxoxoxxo.
Me gagging at what I found inside my box of "chocolates"
This is what was inside.
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